


Monstrous Anxieties

by Certifieddisaster



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Bullied tendou, Hurt Tendou, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Monster - Freeform, Panic Attacks, The Guess Monster, anxious tendou, comforting ushijima, crying tendou, guess monster, sad tendou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:01:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27729925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Certifieddisaster/pseuds/Certifieddisaster
Summary: Tendou is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder as a child after growing up with relentless bullying. Now, as a 3rd year at Shiratorizawa, he thinks he is finally free from all the torment; until one of his childhood bullies shows up at a game.
Relationships: Ushijima/Tendou, Ushiten - Relationship, ushijimaxtendou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 203





	Monstrous Anxieties

**Author's Note:**

> I speed wrote this during a Chemistry class at 8:00am, so if its trash..... atleast Kuroo would be proud of me for being in Chem.

Anxiety isn't a foreign concept to most people. Almost everyone has witnessed it or learned about it at some point in their lives. However, not everyone has truly experienced it.

Tendou spent most of his childhood being taunted for his looks; "Monster!" they would yell after him as he walked from class to class, "He looks like a monster!". It definately provided longterm damage to the young boys mind, being told you look "horrifying" or "monstrous" every single day tends to have that sort of effect on people.

It wasnt until the 4th grade that Tendou reached a tipping point.

During recess one day, all the kids in Tendou's class had effectively backed him into a corner against the school walls. Then they began to take turns screaming at him about how ugly he was. They wouldnt stop. They wouldn't let him breathe.

Tendou noticed early on in the sudden harrassment that his lungs just weren't working the way they normally do; the young boy felt like his stomach was going to implode as his vision became blurred with tears and paralyzing fear. It didn't take long for the other kids to point this out as well.

"Look!" One of the 'lead' boys had yelled, pointing at Tendou's face, "He's crying!"

The echoing laughter was the last thing Tendou heard as he finally got his body to move from where he was frozen in place. He pushed through the wall of bullies and ran as fast as he could to the doors of the school, not stopping until he reached the single stall bathroom where he knew he could lock himself inside.

Tendou didn't even know what a panic attack was, let alone how to treat one. The little redhead simply sat on the floor of the bathroom, trying his best to catch his breath and clear his thoughts. The unstoppable shaking and crying was starting to scare him more than the bullies did.

He didnt end up leaving the bathroom until the end of the day, when he knew all the other kids were gone.

Tendou got home quickly and burst into tears again as he told his mother about what had happened, he gripped tightly onto her shirt as she pulled him into her lap and rocked back and forth; this always made Tendou feel better.

A few days later, Tendou's mother was bringing him to see a doctor; and Tendou was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

~ ~ ~

Tendou was now a 3rd year in highschool, meaning he was on his 3rd year of being free from his middleschool bullies.

He was much happier now; yes, he did still get panic attacks every once in awhile, but they were no longer triggered by daily torment. He was finally free from that.

The most peace Tendou felt was when he got to play Volleyball, when he got to do what he truly loved. Coming to Shiratorizawa gave Tendou the opportunity to play with some of the best people he'd ever met, both in skill and just overall kindness. Never once did he feel hated by his teammates, they never made him feel like an outcast or tried to crush his selfesteem; they just made him happy.

And for the first time in Tendou's life, he was able to say he had a best friend.

Ushijima and Tendou quickly became close as 1st years; the two were quite an unlikely pair, but that didnt matter. Sure Tendou was louder and more animated than Ushijima, but they had a bond much stronger than any other friendship.

Ushijima knew all about Tendou's panic attacks, Tendou had told him about them in their second year after Ushijima had walked in on a particularly nasty attack. 

Tendou had just failed a test and became overwhelmingly terrified he would fail the class and get kicked off the volleyball team. In his panic he made his way to the closest bathroom and dove into one of the stalls, Ushijima found him only afew minutes later. 

He had walked in and heard the soft crying coming from the otherwise empty bathroom, and he immediately recognized Tendou's shoes peaking out from under the stall door. The taller boy wasted absolutely no time forcing the stall door open to hold and comfort his best friend through his attack.

Once Tendou had calmed down, Ushijima didn't even ask what was happening; he didnt push, he didnt question, he just let Tendou take all the time he needed to recoup and come back to a more stable state of mind. Tendou told Ushijima everything after that, worried that his friend might think he was going through some sort of psychotic break if he didnt explain what he had just witnessed. 

Unsuprisingly, Ushijima was extremely understanding and comforting as Tendou told him about his panic attacks. Tendou told him about the bullying he endured as a child (though Ushijima knew about some of it, he never knew the full extent), he told him about his first panic attack and how he literally thought he was dying. 

Ushijima patiently listened as Tendou purged himself of this secret weight he had been carrying, dealing with something like this all on his own must have taken a tole on the boys health. After Tendou stopped talking, he looked silently at his best friend, shifting from foot to foot as he waited for a response. 

"Its alright", Ushijima started, Tendou already looking relieved, "Now that I know, I'll be here to help you, okay?"

Tendou let out a breath he didnt even know he was holding before throwing himself into Ushijima's arms once again. "Thank you", he whispered, begining to feel quite exhausted after coming down from his attack.

The two boys walked home together after school, like they usually do; parting with one final hug at Tendou's door before saying goodbye for the day.

~ ~ ~

By their 3rd year, Ushijima had been with Tendou through plently of panic attacks. He would sit with the shorter boy and hold him until it was all over, he eventually began pulling Tendou into his lap and rocking him once he learned that thats what Tendou's mother used to do. Ushijima picked up on several tricks that seemed to help Tendou calm down, but simply holding him close and whispering some assurances into his ear seemed to be the most effective.

It had been afew months since Tendou had an attack, he had been feeling really great lately with the time he had been spending with his team and his friends; he was now planning for University and practicing for his last few volleyball games as a 3rd year. He was content.

Shiratorizawa was scheduled to play against Karasuno after school and Tendou was ECSTATIC. He absolutely loved getting to guess block those weirdo quicks from that little tangerine and his angry setter. Ushijima didn't show it, but Tendou could tell he was excited too.

The game started off well in favor of Shiratorizawa, they took the first set fairly quickly. "Karasuno's a little off today" Semi said between sets, "guess that's good for us though". Tendou shrugged and smiled at the silver haired setter, "guess so!".

The second set started and Shiratorizawa wasted no time getting in the lead, Tendou's guess blocking had scored them the first 6 points of the set back-to-back. Waves of confidence were just soaring through the middle blockers body right now as he got more and more into the game, happily chearing for himself and his other teammates as the set progressed.

Tendou's "guess blocking" had become quite known throughout many schools, both by the opposing teams but also by the fans who came to watch. Commentary could always be heard from the stands above, the intense chatter of people who were shocked that Tendou had those kinds of reflexes. It just filled Tendou with pride that people were so impressed by him, he embraced his "guess blocking" stratagey/skills.

Everything was going great so far. Tendou was happy, confident, volleyball really was his safe haven, the place where his anxiety just seemed to melt awa-

"GUESS MONSTER!"

A yell was suddenly heard from the stands. Tendou straightened up, looking for the source; but when he found it, he immediately wished that he hadn't.

Up in the stands, staring down at Tendou in a Karasuno School uniform, was the "lead" bully from his middle school. The boy that had taken part in triggering his first panic attack. 

Tendou found himself frozen in spot, staring up at the boy in the stands, still screaming down at him.

"It's the Guess Monster!"

'Monster', Tendou thought, he hadn't heard that in years. He didn't notice his breath picking up as he listened to his childhood nickname echo through the gym and through his mind. 'Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Mons-'

Soon all of the fans started chanting down at him, "Guess Monster! Guess Monster! Guess Monster!", they all just assumed it was some sort of cool title; but both Tendou and the boy in the stand knew that that wasn't the case. Not at all.

Clearly the referee could tell something was off with the redhaired player, as he was yet to blow the whistle for Semi's serve. He was just listening to the chanting and observing Tendou's reaction, quickly seeing that it wasn't a very positive one.

All the players on both sides of the court straightened out of their ready positions to watch Tendou. The Karasuno players had a incredible mix of confusion, intimidation, and impression on their faces; they also seemed to think that this was just some sort of nickname, that Tendou was being praised rather than tormented. But Tendou's teammates knew the truth, praise didnt usually cause someone to start hyperventilating.

"Tendou", Ushijima spoke next to him, but he couldn't process the tone. Was he angry? Did he blame Tendou? Was he embarrassing the rest of the team? He needed to move. He needed to leave. He needed to Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

His feet felt like they were sunken into the floorboards of the gym, holding him in place, forcing him to stay and endure this humiliation. It was getting harder to breathe. He couldn't breathe. He needed to breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

There were hands on his arms, gripping but not hurting. Who's were they? Tendou could feel an arm snake around his back, moving him from where he stood, pulling his feet from their wooden prison in the floor. Where was he going?

The chanting was getting quieter as he felt himself being moved. He couldn't see, he was being blinded by hot tears and panic. He couldn't see, he couldn't breathe. Was he dying? Dying on the volleyball court seemed like an okay place to go in his mind.

The chanting stopped. It was quiet now. He had been lead to the bathroom. Tendou wanted to feel relieved, but he still couldn't breathe.

"Tendou look at me", the hands on his arms were moved to his face; the hands were large, they were warm..... they were familiar.

"U-Ushij-jima?" He choked out through clipped breaths. A sob escaped his mouth as he moved his own hands up to grab his best friends wrists, grounding himself, trying to pull back to reality. Trying so hard just to breathe.

Tendou could feel himself being pulled down to the floor, he let Ushijima guide his shaking body into his arms. Ushijima pulled Tendou into his lap and against his chest like he had done many times before, slowly rocking side to side as he ran his hand through the shorter boy's wild hair.

"Sssssh" Ushijima whispered into Tendou's ear as he held him tightly against himself, "It's alright, listen to my breathing Satori, try to follow it".

Tendou let out a breath as Ushijima referred to him by his given name, something he usually did during moments like this. 

They stayed like this for awhile, Ushijima leaning up against the bathroom wall with Tendou curled up in his lap, shaking like a leaf. Ushijima whispered to Tendou the whole time, never letting go for even a second, not caring about anything other than his best friend right now.

Tendou's breathing eventually evened out and his sobbing had dulled down to only afew stray tears, Ushijima was quick to wipe them away. Tendou slowly sat up enough to look at his best friends face.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, his voice horse from his earlier fight for breath, "I'm sorry."

Ushijima lifted his hand and placed it back on Tendou's cheek, using his thumb to get rid of the remaining tears leftover on the porcelain skin.

"Don't appologize Tendou", he spoke softly, wanting to keep Tendou on the path to a calmer state, "It's not your fault. Its never your fault, you know that. I know that."

Tendou sniffled as Ushijima continued to stroke his thumb over his cheek.

"We probably missed the game...", Tendou spoke sadly, lowering his gaze, "I didn't mean for you to miss the gam-".

"Fuck the game", Tendou was shocked, he rarely heard Ushijima swear. He liked to say that hearing Ushijima curse was a 'rare delicacy'.

Ushijima looked at his best friends startled eyes and smiled softly, "The game doesn't matter Tendou", he spoke again, "You matter. Once you started to panic, you were the only thing I cared about in that moment. You still are."

Tendou felt like he was going to cry again; but this time the tears would be from happiness, not pain.

"I told you I would be here for you after that attack in the bathroom last year", Ushijima thought back to how scared he was when he first found Tendou in that state, "I wasn't lying."

Tendou moved back towards Ushijima and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, feeling his friend return the motion and squeeze him back into his chest.

"Thank you.", Tendou spoke through a shuddered breath against Ushijima's neck, holding on like his life depended on it. "Thank you."

~ ~ ~

Once Tendou was finally able to catch his breath and tears had stopped falling, he washed his face with some cold water before heading back to the gym. He was walking slightly tucked behind Ushijima's back, kind of embarrassed to face his team after what had just happened (though Ushijima had assured him it would be alright).

The game was over by the time they had gotten back; and much to Tendou's relief, Shiratorizawa had won.

"Tendou!" Semi called out when he saw the two boys walk back into the gym, the setter jogged over to them, "Hey, are you alright?"

Tendou just smiled slightly at Semi and nodded, still putting all his focus on remaining calm. He was exhausted.

He was startled for just a moment when he felt Ushijima put his arm around his shoulders, now guiding him to the bench to retrieve his things so he could go home.

"Hey!", all the Shiratorizawa players turned their attention from Tendou to the voice coming from the other side of the net; the Karasuno captain and co-captain were making their way over.

Ushijima unconciously stepped slightly infront of Tendou, preparing to shield him from any further taunting. He's had enough for today.

It was the captain (Daichi, Tendou remembered) who spoke first.

"We are so sorry for what happened", he said, looking past Ushijima's shoulder at Tendou. "None of us know who that student was, we've never been associated with him before; but we can assure you that he has been oficially BANNED from attending any more games from this point forward".

Tendou let out a small sigh of relief before placing his hand on Ushijima's shoulder, nudging him out of the way.

"Its fine", he said, trying to seem as cool as possible, "I knew him when I was a kid. I knew I probably wouldnt be able to avoid something like that forever...... I never expected to run into him in a setting like this... but, It's not your fault."

Daichi smiled at Tendou and reached out to shake his hand, Tendou happily obliged. He then turned to Karasuno's co-captain (Sugawara, he thinks; or as Tendou just liked to say, the "off brand Semi") and shook his hand as well.

"Thank you for the game", Daichi and Sugawara both said as they bowed before turning and walking back to their own team.

Tendou turned to Ushijima (who still looked very on-guard) and smiled, "Wanna come to my place when we get back?", he asked.

Ushijima looked like he relaxed a little and gave a soft smile in return, "sure".

It wasn't long before Tendou and Ushijima were curled up on Tendou's couch, snacking on some chips and watching 'Blue Exorcist' together; Tendou finally felt fully at peace again.

The young middle blockers exhaustion eventually caught up with him though as he felt himself starting to drift off, his head slowly lowering onto Ushijima's shoulder. Ushijima noticed and lifted his arm to wrap it around Tendou's shoulders once again.

"Thank you", Tendou whispered, for the 3rd time that day, "For everything".

Ushijima simply pulled his friend in closer and rearranged his blanket over his body before beginning to run his fingers through the red strands of hair again.

"Goodnight Tendou."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if y'all want more Haikyuu fics :)


End file.
